dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
