remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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