You made me cry and you don't even care
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
