I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
