i barfeds in our rink
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
