I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
