i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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