i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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