Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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