wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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