I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
