Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You made out with two different species that night
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
