Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
