I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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