9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
