We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
