So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
