my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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