PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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