Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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