"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
