You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
