Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
