He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
