I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Don't make out with my wife yet
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
