she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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