Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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