So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
