Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
