Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
