I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
