I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
