WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
