Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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