FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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