and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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