This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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