Welp...herpes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
