True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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