I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
