I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
