i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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