hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
