I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
