We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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