she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
