Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
