SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
