Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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