He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
