we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
